Sunday, January 3, 2010

Winter Classes for Men




Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum.Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?Driving Simulations.4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Top 10 Predictions for 2010

1. The Bible will still have all the answers we need.

2. Prayer will still work.

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still enjoy the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing to the glory of God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.and God approves this message!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

A New Year's Prayer

Another year is dawning
With the chance to start anew.
May I be kinder, wiser, Lord,
In all I say and do.
Not so caught up in selfish gain
That I would fail to see
The things in life that mean the most
Cost not a fancy fee.
The warm, kind word that I can give,
The outstretched hand to help,
The prayers I pray for those in need--
More precious these than wealth.
I know not what may lie ahead
Of laughter or of tears;
I only need to know each day
That You are walking near.
I'm thankful for this brand new year
As now I humbly pray,
My hand secure in Yours, dear Lord,
Each step along the way.
Kay Hoffman

2009 Goals:

Health: lower cholesteral and blood pressure #s.

Spiritual: devotions everyday! I'm always blessed when I do.

Celebrate: being in my 40s while I still can!

Vacation: to someplace warm and sunny. 

Finances:  reduce personal debt, pay off bills. 

"Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole
more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first day of January
let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past."  - Henry Ward Beecher